However, I am talking about what we as people do to protect
one another - what we hide from one another—what we do for our families,
friends or even co-workers. My kids see what I show them. My husband, my friends, they all see what I show them.
I never thought about this until one day when I became sick. See, today is a very special day for me because it’s
the one year anniversary for being cancer
free. I kept quiet for the longest time
because I needed to stay in my “comfort zone”, to not only protect myself but
to protect others around me. But, it was time. It was time to open up.
I remember this one particular day I just had to let
go. My emotions were so bottled up, and I didn’t know what to do or who to talk
to. My husband was at work, and I had 3 out 4 of my kid’s home with me. There was no way I was going to let loose of
my rage, my sadness, and my (to be brutally honest) totally pissed-off state-of-mind
in front of my 5, 7 and 9 year old children.
So, I took a shower. That was the
one place I thought I could hide, at least for the briefest of moments. I thought wrong. In the midst of a total breakdown, I heard the faintest voice. I immediately opened my eyes and saw my 5 year
old peering around the shower curtain at me. He asked, "Mommy, are you okay?"
It was at that moment that I realized I needed to be upfront with them. I need to break out of my comfort zone and be
honest with them. That night, a lot of
tears were shed, and a lot of questions
were asked. My husband and I did the
best we could with a strong look
plastered to our faces. It was one of
the “rawest” moments of my life. I had
to bare it all. I bore as much as I
possibly could to 3 little faces that nearly broke my heart. Kids should never have to see as much as they
have seen over the past two years as my kids
have seen. I know there is worse out
there in this crazy world we live in, but to the purest of minds, and yes, I’m
being biased, after all, these are my kids I’m talking about, who I would give
my life for, kids who do plenty wrong themselves, they should never have to
face a grown up situation just yet.
I have friends who have sick children, and that to me, is the
worst that I can imagine. Kids should
never have to go through Hell at such a
young age or any age for that matter.
That moment in the shower broke me. However, it made me realize that it’s okay to
let others in. Let them help. I have to say that going through cancer, and
beating it, was probably one of the best things that could have happened to
me. I have such a better outlook on life
and my kids, friends, and family who had to watch me, appear to have a better
respect for life as well.
It’s okay to be “raw”.
